Part One Nan was not grieving. She was angry. She did not remember ever having been angry in her life. Now, she was angry with Ben, for acting so unreasonably - he had always been reasonable about her lovers, and she could not understand him now. But mainly, she was angry with Lee, for having let her down, for dying...
She woke up into the dark room, trying to update herself in time and place. They had come down from the mountain, she and Ben, she remembered, and were immediately separated by Lilit; somehow, the old Councilor knew what had happened... Nan had not really known Lilit, only knew from a distance who she was; she had not actually met her until that moment.
Ben had been taken away, she did not know where - nor did she want to know, trying to obliterate the man from her mind, from her life. She was led back to the Trio-complex, where two strange men were expecting her... Nan was not really used to things being taken care of for her, she had always looked after herself and her own interests. Now, that old woman, Lilit, was getting involved with her troubles, and she was not quite sure what to make of her interference. How would she know who would be suitable to join her in a new Trio? Then she recalled the terrible mistake she had made in her own arrangement and at once she turned her anger toward herself... She kept silent, not knowing how to express her feelings - she had never had such strong feelings needing expression… Not bothering to remember who her new mates were, Nan turned in her bed to face the wall and closed her eyes. Going back to sleep, though, was another matter; her troubled thoughts kept turning in her mind, buzzing with their little stings like summer gnats… It was the thought of that mistake that had not left her alone, circulating, pouring their poison into her veins. What was it that had gone wrong? She was so sure of herself, of her two lovers - the difference between them actually made them such a complement to herself...
She reflected on Ben's love for her - the first time they met and the way they were attracted to each other. She had been fascinated by that man, who obviously was not generally attractive - why?
She was five years old, and the excitement of joining school was too great for her to notice anything, anyone in particular. Her Peer group had just left their relatively small building, which served as nursery, where they had spent their life from the age one, to join school together with three or four other groups of the same age.
